It just started pouring. I'm going to miss this weather.
Moments like these, when I feel truly aware of what's going on around me, are really the only souvenirs I take from places, times, and people. It's become a matter of some concern for me - memories fade, and in my crusade against sentimentalism I may not be holding onto enough important things in my life. These moments pass, and I fear I don't carve enough nicks and crevices into my life to really get my hands around it and hold on. Everything I hold dear is so insubstantial, my connection with my own life and experience so tenuous. Ideas and perceptions, every moment just passing through. A contemplative life like this, with few attachments, can have its uses, I suppose. Sometimes I think shedding as much human artifice as possible and completely immersing oneself in the sensation of being is as sincere and noble a life as anyone could possibly hope for - an experience closest to the truth of our human condition. Life is an exercise in being, but we can easily forget this and have our lives, our existence, be a means to some other end. It's all a means of comfort I suppose, since dwelling on the abyss too long is dangerous. But too often I have to ask myself "How did I get here? Where did the time go", and sometimes simple recollection isn't enough to make it feel substantial, like it had actually happened.
It's really raining now, and the thunder's started.
I'd like someone to hold on to.
1 comment:
We all are here by coincidence. I am not sure whether our lives have meaning and at this point, I do not really care. I think that in the face of the abyss, we should just do what or be around people who make us happy. One can be noble and say they want to make a lasting impact on this world for the better, but if we are truly leaving this place for nothingness, then i am not so concerned about the state of the world when we leave. So basically live in the here and now, ie, FBGM
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