Adventures

Finally put up the pictures from the gang's visit last weekend, and I'll probably post more of the photos I've taken since then. Sorry most of them are blurry, but I hate using the flash, and in most of the places we were it would have been unwelcome. Ergo, concordantly, I need to buy myself a tripod. It's taking a while to regain my sense of composition, and I'm unhappy that some of my favorite pictures are as interesting as they are because of the color accenting feature of the camera. I think I'm making progress though, and there are some I'm pretty proud of.

I saw Equus on Thursday, adding to the short list of Broadway shows I've seen. I had no idea what to expect when I sat down in the theater, only knowing that it was highly acclaimed and that Daniel Radcliffe would be naked onstage at some point. Turns out that this was a very good, and very dark, troubling play that I enjoyed thoroughly. Also Kate Mulgrew, who played Captain Janeway in Star Trek: Voyager, was in the play, and that definitely made my night.

On a darker note, while most of my classes have remained as interesting as they were, or have become even more so since the start of the semester, the persistence of constant schoolwork and the addition of midterms have forced me to ask myself, once again, why I'm doing what I'm doing and what else I could be doing. Recently I've become very attached to the idea of pursuing side projects with my free time, but even that seems like the small picture. I want to see the big picture, figure out why I enjoy what I enjoy and decide if that's something worth spending my time on. Even more than that, I have to choose the criteria by which I judge the worth of my actions.

I'm attracted to the idea that I can somehow avoid boredom by finding a profession or project that involves constant variety, like journalism or maybe intelligence, or by constantly being involved in a number of small projects. I guess I want to have adventures, to go out and be immersed in uncertainty, which is ironic because here I am trying to figure out what to do in the future.

A divergence to help me explain my point: I've recently become even more interested in the webcomic xkcd, especially with regard to its creator, Randall Munroe. It turns out that he's only 24 (he just had a birthday last Friday), graduated from college in '06 and worked briefly with NASA until he left and started working on xkcd full time. Now he supports himself primarily on merchandise from the comic. Aside from being amazingly funny, the comic has this profoundly hopeful outlook on life and stresses the importance of unorthodox approaches to thinking and living.

Check these out:
This is the start of a five part series that presents some ideas I've really come to empathize with - http://xkcd.com/264/
And this one is a pleasant reminder to myself sometimes - http://xkcd.com/167/

His newest project is called "Geohashing"(http://wiki.xkcd.com/geohashing/Main_Page), and I think Kenny and I might take part in it on the weekends. I'm definitely looking forward to getting off campus and having some adventures.

Coming soon: Dread

Viewfinder Eyes

It was wonderful to have a camera this weekend, along with cooperative subjects and interesting settings for pictures. Managed to crank out more than a hundred photos in relatively short order (though admittedly only a few could be considered above average). I feel like my photography was better at one time, and I'd be willing to entertain the notion that I'm simply out of practice. I hope that's the case, because it seems that the most solid thing I've distilled from my musings this year so far is that I have a growing desire to express myself. I want some way to draw those formless, hyphenated emotions out of myself and put them in a photo or a movie, or maybe in writing somehow. I'm fascinated by those little feelings, so quiet and ethereal, that wash over you like a cool and gentle breeze from out of nowhere, caressing your heart, making you pay attention to where you are. It's afternoon sun, deep orange, on the sidewalk, or the sound of dried leaves blown by the wind on a gray day. Rain drops on a windowsill and distant drums. Dark nights driving alone for a long time. The swamp cooler. I wish my camera could capture some of this, though I'm not really sure what I'd do with it if it ever does.

Too lazy for a title

I'm importing the first batch of photos from the new camera...very cool pictures of the whole gang in NYC. Everything kind of pales in comparison to the awesomeness that was this weekend, and partly due to this, and partly due to fatigue, this week has sort have become an unremarkable blur. Unfortunately this is the week I need to step up and make up for earlier slacking. This will be a welcome week end.

Also, I have a bonsai now. It's a Japanese Juniper, and it's sitting on the window sill by my computer as per the plan. Good things.

I know there are things I want to write, but I've been so out of it that basic functions are pretty much all I can manage at the moment. I'll get around to deeper meaning later.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Ennui

So, Kenny's dad died this week, and most of what's happened since then has been framed and bounded by that fact. I honestly admit I didn't think it would affect me as much as it did...I tend to be pretty detached from other peoples' troubles, but this one really hit me. I think it's because, unlike most of the shit I and most other people fuss over, this was something undeniably huge, lifechanging, and entirely out of his control. I feel like we bring most of our problems on ourselves, but this came out of nowhere and there's arguably nothing he could have done. After I heard, and even though it didn't happen to me, Kenny and I both agreed that everything else suddenly seemed very unimportant. Aside from my sadness over Kenny's loss, I felt at that moment extremely restless, and my own complacency was brought to my attention again. I felt like I wanted to get up and go somewhere far away, maybe as a way of validating the life that I still had and Kenny's dad suddenly didn't. I'm not exactly sure why, but since then I've been rather unenthusiastic about my classes and activities, and I was anxious for the weekend which ironically found me in my room, trapped by the overcast sky which seeped in and turned everything gray. I love this weather, but it always puts me in a reflective mood, which can be dangerous and/or pointless.

I've decided I want a bonsai tree. It will sit on the ledge of the window, right next to my desk. And chimes, which remind me of late afternoon sun.